It's That Time Of Year Again

[Vio]

It's that time of year again
December's Christmas season
The whole world loves the year's sweet end
And I, but for a different reason

I'm not a fan of consumerism
Or commercialisation, that too maybe
I guess you could add capitalism
It's another word that starts with "c"

I'm not sure from word of mouth
I should ask Bill Maher
Or Tim Minchin, but he lives down south
It's a little ways too far

Religion's not my cup of tea
Nor decor green and red
And relatives for me to see?
I'd rather stay in bed

What I do like is the tree
I remember ours from 2004
Eight foot in our conservatory
And four feet wide, possibly more

The best decoration was the cat
She'd climb and make a branch her bed
But now she's gotten old and fat
And so she sleeps on me instead

Snow? What snow? There is none here
There was back in the States
We'd have to shovel the driveway clear
Else for school we'd be late

We had snow, three feet or four
It didn't stop our teachers
But UK schools all close their doors
If there's even half a centimetre

Presents - they are divine
I love the ones that can be driven
Though free stuff's great at any time
Now they're wrapped with bows and ribbons!

Once I figure out what's mine
I'd love to stay in bed
With a duvet and a glass of wine
No, scrap that, I'll have a Carlsberg instead

Christmas films, they are quite thrilling
Like Bruce Willis as John McClaine
Throwing Alan Rickman off a building
Or blowing up the bad guys' plane

Jeremy Irons was the best
But Patrick Stewart's still alive
It's all I want for next Christmas
A blu-ray player and Die Hard 5

[Keith]

was waiting for a runescape reference, failure