Paraprosdokians

[Vio]

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

3. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

5. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

6. To steal ideas from one person is plagarism. To steal from many is research.

7. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

8. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

12. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

13. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

14. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

15. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

18. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

19. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

20. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

[Bgpgraebner]

3. War does not determine who is right - only who has nothing left.

Fix'd

[Ashley|]

Cool