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Couple jokes.

Billy

Posted: December 18, 2009 11:33 pm

IRC Nickname: Billy|Gilli
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1545
Member No.: 1451
Joined: November 9, 2008
Total Events Attended: 91

Yeah i get jokes alllllllll the time, so i figured why not share some.

I will keep them generally quite clean

!

Q)What does a scottish epileptic midget have for christmas?

A)A Wii Fit!

Q)What does a camera, a women and a condom have in commong?

A) They were all designed to catch that special moment

Q)What do you say to a women with 2 black eyes?

A)Nothing shes already been told twice.

Q)Why do women fake orgasms?

A)Because they think men care

Q)What is the difference between a women and a battery?

A)A battery has a positive side

Q)What is the fatty tissue that surrounds the clitoris?

A)A women

Two rats in a sewer, 1st rat says ''I'm fuckin sick of shit for breakfast, shit for lunch, and shit for dinner!'' Second rat says ''Cheer up mate were going on the piss lateron!''

Wife treats hubby by taking to a lapdance for his bday. Doorman says. ''ok im hows tricks?'' wife asks how does he know you? jim says, er, i play footy with him. Inside barman says ''usual jim?'' jim says ''before you say owt hes on the darts team in me local. Next a lapdancer says ''hi jim, dya want the special again?'' Wife storms out dragging him with her and jumps in a taxi. Driver says ''fuck me jim uve pulled a right minger this time!''

Paddy on death row gets the chance to be Hung, shot or injected with the Aids virus. He says 'give me that aids stuff' they inject him and he rolls around on the floor laughing. The warden says ''whats so fuckin funny?'' Paddy says ''I'm wearing a condom!!!''

Paddy fings his wife having an affair so decided to kill her. He puts a gun to his head, looks at his wife and says dont fucking laugh your next!

Apparently the argument between tiger woods and his missus was the result of a game of cards.

Turns out clubs does beat spades.

And finally

How do you know when your dating a lazy bitch?

When she says 'wank in a cup and ill drink it in the morning'

Yeh i got loaaaadsss more, but alot are quite long and most are inapropriate lol

!

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WG_Keanu

Posted: December 19, 2009 04:10 pm

IRC Nickname: DG_Keanu
Group: Council
Posts: 4782
Member No.: 2033
Joined: August 25, 2009
Total Events Attended: 173

What's the difference between 3 12-inch cocks and a Guardian without gear?

Lee can't handle a Guardian without gear.

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[05:42] <+WG_Keanu> I think I got a semi just looking at the pic
[05:42] <%kat> same

Billy

Posted: December 19, 2009 05:00 pm

IRC Nickname: Billy|Gilli
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1545
Member No.: 1451
Joined: November 9, 2008
Total Events Attended: 91

QUOTE	WG_Keanu @ December 19, 2009 04:10 pm)

What's the difference between 3 12-inch cocks and a Guardian without gear?

Lee can't handle a Guardian without gear.

Dont ever make jokes, like, ever again :| lol

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Sonixpber

Posted: December 19, 2009 07:32 pm

IRC Nickname: Mike|Sonix
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1483
Member No.: 13
Joined: December 29, 2007
Total Events Attended: 103

QUOTE	ShavenGooch @ December 18, 2009 11:33 pm)

Wife treats hubby by taking to a lapdance for his bday. Doorman says. ''ok im hows tricks?'' wife asks how does he know you? jim says, er, i play footy with him. Inside barman says ''usual jim?'' jim says ''before you say owt hes on the darts team in me local. Next a lapdancer says ''hi jim, dya want the special again?'' Wife storms out dragging him with her and jumps in a taxi. Driver says ''fuck me jim uve pulled a right minger this time!''

Some are old, some aren't funny (some are) but this one above just made me say WAT?

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Billy

Posted: December 19, 2009 10:07 pm

IRC Nickname: Billy|Gilli
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1545
Member No.: 1451
Joined: November 9, 2008
Total Events Attended: 91

QUOTE	Sonixpber @ December 19, 2009 07:32 pm)

QUOTE	ShavenGooch
	December 18, 2009 11:33 pm

Some are old, some aren't funny (some are) but this one above just made me say WAT?

If you get it, which aint hard, its funny lols. cba to explain

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WG_Keanu

Posted: December 20, 2009 02:09 am

IRC Nickname: DG_Keanu
Group: Council
Posts: 4782
Member No.: 2033
Joined: August 25, 2009
Total Events Attended: 173

Try spreading it out a bit.

Wife treats hubby by taking to a lapdance for his bday.
Doorman says. ''ok im hows tricks?''
wife asks "how does he know you? "
jim says, "er, i play footy with him."
Inside barman says ''usual jim?''
jim says ''before you say owt hes on the darts team in me local."
Next a lapdancer says ''hi jim, dya want the special again?''
Wife storms out dragging him with her and jumps in a taxi.
Driver says ''fuck me jim uve pulled a right minger this time!''

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[05:42] <+WG_Keanu> I think I got a semi just looking at the pic
[05:42] <%kat> same

Sonixpber

Posted: December 20, 2009 06:28 pm

IRC Nickname: Mike|Sonix
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1483
Member No.: 13
Joined: December 29, 2007
Total Events Attended: 103


		QUOTE

		Doorman says. ''ok im hows tricks?''


		QUOTE

		jim says ''before you say owt hes on the darts team in me local."

WAT

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Sxe Asher

Posted: December 20, 2009 10:40 pm

IRC Nickname: Sxe_Asher
Group: Clan Friend
Posts: 276
Member No.: 2130
Joined: November 14, 2009
Total Events Attended: 15

LOL i like these.

whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after 3 ho's.

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Sonixpber

Posted: January 4, 2010 07:24 pm

IRC Nickname: Mike|Sonix
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1483
Member No.: 13
Joined: December 29, 2007
Total Events Attended: 103

I happened to run into that joke I was confused about before, except this time in proper English...


		QUOTE

		A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

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Billy

Posted: January 4, 2010 11:24 pm

IRC Nickname: Billy|Gilli
Group: Ex-Member
Posts: 1545
Member No.: 1451
Joined: November 9, 2008
Total Events Attended: 91

QUOTE	Sonixpber @ January 04, 2010 07:24 pm)

I happened to run into that joke I was confused about before, except this time in proper English...


		QUOTE

		A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

Na totally different, my man is called jim

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