Topic Result

By Sativas on 22/09/2008

Friend wrote this funny ass post that only made like 3 pages on di forums, but is funny as shit so I decided to re post here for shits and giggles... Enjoy.

By Alan`
(original post http://www.di-rs.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=62765)

QUOTE

Alright, I'm sure you're all familiar with Star Wars, if you aren't, you should just wrap your face with saran wrap and smother yourself.

I've recently grown bored with working, paying taxes, putting up with people, sharing and what have you. I've been playing Star Wars: KotoR and I'm going to become a Sith Lord. In accordance of the Rule of Two, I can do it. As there is currently not another Sith Lord ruling, I may be eligible to claim the title of Sith Lord.

In order to become one, I'd have to prove myself by killing a Jedi. As I said before, there aren't any Sith Lords currently all but extinct. However, there like infinite amounts of pricks walking around claiming to be Jedi preaching this and that about peace and the way of the Jedi.

Okay Alan, so you want to be a Sith Lord, why do I give a shit you retard?

I'm going to buy 2 lightsabers from Amazon.com, apparently they have a lot. I'm not getting some pussy one either, I'm getting the most expensive ones they have. Not that shit that 8 year-olds run around with playing Luke Dickless and Han Vagina, I'm talking about full metal hilts, steel coated blade lightsaber. It's not exactly sharp but you could easy beat someone to death with it. These are the weapons we will fight to death with.

Fight to the death?

That's right. Once you have filled out the application to duel me, I will pick one that I sense is worthy of being my adversary. I'll pm you, informing you of the great honor and you'll message me the following information:

Country:
State/Province:
City:
Address:
Area Code:
ZIP Code:
Telephone Number:

The telephone number is in case I get lost on the way and need directions. Everything is standard, as we'll have to meet to duel.

[center]Jedi Application[/center]

Name:
Jedi Name:
Age (I don't care how old you are, I'll kill you):
Hilt Style (small, single, double, curved):
Blade Color:
Insurance Company (in case we get arrested and you don't die, you're just beat up real bad):
Any previous history as a Jedi (not required, but preferred):
Extra (any side notes I should know about you):

It starts with you and ends with the Galaxy. After I kill you (I'm pretty sure that I will) I will destroy this world and all those who don't swear their alliance to me (hopefully a scientist or two will join because I'll need them to make a spaceship capable of reaching light speed or some way of traveling through Hyper Space) and then begin my conquest to conquer any existing planets and enslave the alien races or have them join my army of Sith.

Alan, I don't want to die.

Don't be such a pussy, you might win. And even if you don't, it's not exactly like you died for nothing. You gave me the power I'd need to become a true master of the Dark Side. You'd be a part of history. When someone thousands of years from now goes "hey, what was that guys name who died to Darth Meier?" the other person's response will be your name! You could be that guy!

Technicalities: I know, a real Jedi/Sith would make their own lightsaber, as is the tradition of the Jedi and Sith. Also, I know to comply with The Rule of Two, I'd need apprentice who I will bestow all of my knowledge and who will eventually cut me down and take my place as Sith Lord and find his or her's own apprentice to pass on the knowledge of th Dark Side, so and so fourth, continually strengthening The Sith until one day the Force is truly mastered or whatever happens.

To the future followers of the Sith (once I become a Dark Lord), the spaceship will have cup holders, it wont be poorly designed like that faggot-factory, Millennium Falcon.

Is The Force Strong In You?